I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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