If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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