i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
