Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
40s are totally the cure
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
