If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
