I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
