She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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