I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
