I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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