just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
