I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
