I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
