I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
