so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
