If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
