When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
