If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
