HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
