Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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