I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
