so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
