I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
