When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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