i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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