Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
