As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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