I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
