I need help removing her.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
