This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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