I've blown a few things in my day
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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