At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
