Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
