my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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