he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
