tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
