I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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