I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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