The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
