One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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