Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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