I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
