Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
