During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
