he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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