I met the friendliest cop last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
