So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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