OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
