the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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