what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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