oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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