do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
