He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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