I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
