My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
