Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this will be a night to untag.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
