im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
