My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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