Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
