I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
