last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize