how can u be prego again
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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