Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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