Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
