Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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