haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
