Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
