She is in my trunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
