you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
