Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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