Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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