how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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